Ms. ZigZag

Why 30 Is Not The New 20

  

"We have trivialized what is actually the defining decade of adulthood." - Meg Jay

In the Ted talk above clinical psychologist Meg Jay has a bold message for twentysomethings: Contrary to popular belief, your 20s are not a throwaway decade. She gives 3 pieces of advice for how twentysomethings can re-claim adulthood in the defining decade of their lives.

Leanard Bernsteing said, "To achieve great things you need a plan and not quote enough time." 

Recently I've noticed friends of mine, who are in their thirties, are totally lost because they "partied their twenties away." Some of them are in their forties and are just now waking up to the idea that they "partied their thirties away." Now they want kids, direction, and partnership, yet many of them are dating men/women that have no interest in having children or getting married. Many of them are stuck in dead-end jobs and when I ask them, "what's the plan?" they say, "I'm playing it one day at a time." Each day goes by, and nothing seems to change. It's sad.

I often wonder what our lives would be like if more of us had a good kick in the ass in our twenties. What kind of people, and what kind of success, would we have if we had the right guidance early in life?  It took me a while to get my shit together, and it was hard work, but I'm grateful that I pushed through the complacency. Focus takes action and bravery in a world wrought with distraction. 

I guess I'm lucky. I never saw myself being married or having kids.  I always thought of myself as the kind of woman that would strive in her art and work and have vast amounts of friends. I have achieved that. Lately I want more. Part of me would like to raise a child, not my own, but perhaps the child of a man who needs a good mother. Anything is possible. All in all I like my forties and have enjoyed living a rather full and kooky life.

The one thing I would have changed is to not take for granted how quickly time flies. I could have made a few better decisions with the right guidance, but there is no need for regret. Instead I'm finding better mentors to help make life a more conscious and focus my efforts in helping others do the same. 

I guess the message I'm trying to convey is that you can do more than you think you're capable of. It's never to late to have a happy childhood, but it's also never to late to switch gears and enjoy being an adult at the same time. 

The Good Hard Spanking of 2013.

On New Year's eve I was relieved to move into 2013. I mean, didn't you feel it? Didn't you reach up to lick the moon and say bye bye 2012? Did you howl, dance and raise your glass high and say oh-my- God let us now do the shimmy and finally, finally get this nasty nefarious monkey of doom off our collective backs once and for all? I know I did. And then God decided to spank me. Hard.

The coach part of me is supposed to say nice fluffy things to keep you motivated and happy. The writer is supposed to tell it like it is, make it messy, shoot from the hip and take no prisoners. So I'll just explain it outright in one shiny blog full of all the glory, all the grief and ironic smiles, and even the gory bloody details.

The last 90 days (End of February to Present)

• I wound up in the hospital for two days on morphine for an unknown virus that caused my body to do things that I cannot name. Let’s just say things (including blood and puss) were coming out of me for three days and caused me so much pain I actually considered death as a better option. I turned a pasty whitish gray and lost 8 pounds. The weight loss was a bonus. My good jeans fit now.
• My boyfriend (-at-the-time) had complications with a tonsillectomy and one night after the surgery I watched him lose 3 liters of blood as it spewed out of his mouth, nose and stomach. And it wasn’t just blood. Chunks of skin fell out of him (just like in Zombie movies) and I had to handle the blood with my own hands in bags and rags. I rushed him to the hospital.  It was one of the most traumatic things I’ve ever witnessed happening to someone I loved so dearly. The chaplain was called into the hospital room and they gave him a living will to sign in case he had to go on life support. He made it through, but it was rough. I owe my ability to deal with the blood to watching 3 seasons of The Walking Dead. Seriously. 
• The following day I had to drive to a funeral of one of my dearest friends who died suddenly of a brain tumor. They say tears of sadness releases toxins. I must be toxin free by now.
• A few weeks after that my dog got into the cupboard and ate a pound of dog treats causing her stomach and intestines to bloat so severely she became paralyzed from the back down and couldn’t walk. She was rushed to the hospital and it was only by luck that her stomach didn’t twist or hurt her further. She didn’t need surgery, but it was close. She recovered a few days later after the most enormous poop I’ve ever seen. I should have video taped it. It was at least a full two minutes of a spiral poop mountain.
• My boyfriend got in two car wrecks.  One happened before the tonsillectomy, the other two days after the dog was in the hospital. He is okay barring whiplash.
• A week later, after said boyfriend survived the car crash, he told me how much he loved and cherished our relationship. He said I made him feel safe and he was grateful for how much support I offered him. A couple of days later he sent me the cutest text messages about sharing a beautiful dinner together and then showed up for dinner at my house and broke it off with me (before I even had a chance to cook the Dungeness crab!) I cried for days. And days. More toxins released.
• Followed by me losing my voice to laryngitis and catching a cold. For some this is exciting news. I talk a lot. It was a nice break.

Okay the Good Stuff

• I've learned I can stay motivated and focused even in times of great strife.
• I've learned I'm much tougher and stronger than I ever thought possible.  
• I learned that I really fucking love crab. And I learned how to make a badass red wine demi-glaze. 
• I also learned that love has no boundaries or reason, but it should, and that bad timing can cause incredible heartbreak. 

But.....what is the real teaching of the hard spanking?

My friend Dine sent me the perfect poem to sum up this up. See below.

In refleciton I realize I have the most wonderful, loving friends I could have ever dreamed of having. The reaction to my grief was something I did not expect. I have never received such beautiful support. People showed up at my door to feed me, hold me and love me. Strangers on facebook reached out to send gifts, poems and love. The outpouring of love was like nothing I had ever known or felt. More than that it has instilled in me a faith about the power of asking for support. As a coach I often encourage my clients to reach out for help. I always tell them, “You don’t have to do this alone. We were not meant to do things alone.” Let's pray the second half of 2013 is more like a tickle than a spank. 

"What Is It That You Were Given?"

What is it that you were given?
I mean from the loss.
After, what was taken.
That very thing, you could never live without.
The person or place;
the secret, or circumstance -
now that it is gone,
or has been found out,
and you can no longer call it foundation

what is it that you were given?

You know, and I know, this:
there is a hollowing out.
Something comes and opens you up

right
down
the
middle

and from that moment on
you are no longer immune to this world. 

You wake, you wander,
every familiar, now a foreign.
You walk as through water
until you make it back to your bed
and finally, even there—
your sheets; your own pillow's scent different,
as if daily someone repaints your room, displaces something,
disturbs a cherished memento.

You see,
sometimes we are emptied.
We are emptied
because
Life wants us to know
so
much
more
Light.

- Em Claire

PS - I miss you Adam.

30 Poems in 30 Days: 2013. Updated

I've been writing a poem a day for National Poetry Month. If you'd like to read them, they are on a separate page. Click here to read the full list. 

And here is a picture of the "Bake-A-Bone" griddle my mother send me. There is a poem about it. The package came complete with bacon-peanut-batter to bake dog biscuits for my dog. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. 

 

 

Ms.ZigzagTV: Start Procrastinating!

 

Start Procrastinating

You read it right. I said, “Start” procrastinating. Why? Because I’ve noticed that some of my most productive friends and colleagues are true procrastinators. They fall into a type of procrastinators that I call The Do-ers. They simply Do what has to be done. But it comes with a cost. Basically they put off things that don’t serve their purpose in order to be uninterrupted and get bigger, more important projects accomplished.

There are three types of procrastinators and as long as your part of number three you will get more done this month than you’ve done all year. Here’s the scoop:

Type 1 = Excuse Makers. These people do nothing to further themselves and make a ton of excuses. They surf the web, sleep in, socialize more than needed, and claim to not have the time to even do their laundry. 

Type 2 = The Busy Bees. These people work on something less important, mostly small stuff. Perhaps they organize the house, do the laundry, write too many thank you notes, and get caught up trying to create the perfect environment, or trying to find the right time to work. Basically, they procrastinate on things that have zero chance of being mentioned in their obituary.

Type 3 = The Do-ers. These people procrastinate by working on something more important. They value uninterrupted time and will put off little things in order to get the big stuff done. These people might have messy houses, or stacks of papers on their desk, but big stuff gets done and when they are finished they either hire someone to take care of the small stuff, or they do it when it's appropriate.

BE WARNED: the most dangerous form of procrastination is unacknowledged type-2 procrastination, because it doesn't feel like procrastination. You're "getting things done." Just the wrong things. Busy Bees beware!   

The Way to Try it:

• Make an immediate list of “small stuff” i.e.: laundry, cleaning, organizing, oil change, yard work, etc. DO NOT do any of them for two weeks.
• Make a list of immediate BIG STUFF i.e. that business proposal, the art you promised to start painting, the book you want to write, the revenue you need to create, the marketing projects you have not launched, etc.
• After you’ve made your BIG STUFF list get to it. Do not allow yourself to be distracted. Put asidebig blocks of time and even if it means sitting at your desk and staring at a blank screen, you will eventually write that book, or put aside big blocks of time (6 – 8 hours) and concentrate ONLY on the marketing project, or art project or whatever. The key is to not do anything else, even if it means sitting in the room alone in fear. I promise you will eventually get started, do more, and finish these projects quicker than if you fill your day with interruptions.

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5 Steps to Making More Money

"You can manipulate the law of attraction, by manipulating the law of action."
- Harlan Wheeler

First, get rid of the words "manifest," "quantum," and "abundance" and start saying, "make more money."  Since when did we get so afraid of the word money? I mean sure, "abundance" doesn't always refer to paper flying out of our ears, and technically money doesn't buy happiness, but it sure as hell helps take away a few headaches. Also, think of all the wonderful things you can do for the people you love, the causes you want to represent, and the joy you can bring to others by supporting them in their dreams. 

So lets try something new. Say it straight: money money money. 

Do you fit into one or more of these categories: 

• "Do you have trouble making money, any money?" Probably not. You probably have been paid for something in your lifetime. Even if you're 13 years old and you stumbled on my blog and your mother gave you five bucks to mow the lawn you know how to make money. 
• "Do you have trouble making more money?" This is where it gets tricky. Perhaps you think you are only worth a certain amount, or the economy is holding you back, or you think there is no way to make more in your industry. Here's my quote: "If you think you can make more money or you think you can't make more money you are right." Money is a mind-set and an action-based system. You can't just think about money and have it arrive. You have to take risks and understand that is it a game. It is a mind game AND a reality game. 
  
  
• "Do you have trouble saving your money?" This is another tricky place. No matter how much, or how little you make, one of the key factors in making more money is learning how to save money. Remember that money is first and foremost a psychological game.  Don't spend what you don't have. Statistically people begin to make and aquire more money when they learn how to save it. Start by saving at least 10% of your income everytime you are paid. Even if it's just a buck, put it in a savings account eveytime you get some. There is a great book that I have read 4 times. It's called, "Busting Loose From the Money Game." Give it a whirl. 

• "Do you know how to make money from your money?" This is probably the ultimate question. If you want information from the experts, try studying Brendon Burchard's work, or read The Missionaire Messenger. He gives you solid and easy strategies on how to position yourself as an expert, and use your passion to create passive income streams. I'm working on this myself. 

5 Simple Steps to Making More Money the ZigZag Way:

Step One: Know That You Deserve It
Whether you hire a coach, a therapist  or pick up a self-help book, you must feel deeply that you deserve to make more money, that money is a wonderful resource to help you create a life you love, and to help those around you. It starts with a feeling of self-worth.

Step Two: Get Curious
Be open to any and every possibility. Don't limit yourself to "shoulds" or to your past. Every second can be a new possibility to meet new people, ask for new opportunities, or to start a brand new career. You have nothing to lose by trying. Remember doing something different is always better than doing something familiar because it means you become available for new and exciting things to happen.  

Step Three: Take Action
Don't wait for something to come to you. Don't rely on meditation, visualization or positive thoughts. All of those things are necessary for the soul, but if you want to see results you must get out of the house, away from the computer, and meet new people, which means getting into the world and embracing new experiences.  Relationships get you opportunities quicker than any craigslist ad. Relationships also get you the support you need to keep the momentum going. Relationships are key for making new connections. 

Step Four: Change the People Your Hang Out With
If you spend your time with people that are in scarcity mentality, or constantly complain that they are broke, you are bound to stay broke. If you hang out with people that think money is evil, or they talk about the economy getting in their way, you are bound to stay in stasis and not make anymore than you are making now. Start finding people that know how to make money. Find people that are happy making money and are willing to help support you in changing your perspective. 

Step Five: Remember To Laugh
Don't take anything personally in the process. Know that this is a game and a fun journey towards living a happier and healthier life. Have a good time as you learn about money and consciously make room to have more of it in your life. Laugh at how silly it is to think that making money is so hard. Its out there. Its waiting for you. There is more than enough for everyone.

Now go get em' tiger! If you need help. I'm here and offer coaching packages that can support you in getting kick-started and on the road to earning more. You deserve it.  

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MsZigZagTV: How to Get Rid of Negative Thoughts.

Meet Tanya. She is my internal critic. We all have an internal critic that tells us negative thoughts. Want to know how to get rid of your negative thoughts? Watch my first ZeeTV Vlog: 

 

 

This is my first attempt at making fun videos about writing and life coaching. I hope  ]you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed making it. Any feedback is welcome! And feel free to call me if you want a free consultation and learn how to get rid of that internal critic for good! 

ZigZagthinking.com
971-409-6718 

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When Good Friends Die

He had that kind of coolness that

only men who swam with sharks could have.

He looked death in the eyes without flinch.

From shark eyes to tiger eyes,

even lions eating fresh kill. Rhinos, warthog eyes,

you name the animal he looked it in the eyes.

He went to every corner of the earth, every temple,

every blown out building, every skipped over land mine.

He met captains of ships, pirates, medicine men, shaman.

If there was one man that knew how to live it was Carl.

 

He called me Yolanda, as in Yo-Yo-Yolanda!

not because my name is Yolanda,

but because it was fun. He called me 'Baby' too,

as in “Yeahhh Baby!” no matter what was happening,

even if we were eating soup, life was a gift. 

Life was happening.

 

Carl said, “The grim reaper is always on my back.”

He was talking about the cancer. 

We got used to it. It was like having a cold,

comes and goes. I didn’t take it too seriously,

but he knew more than I.

I was on a 'need to know' basis. 

I didn’t realize I would have to

watch those I love die.

 

I told him the grim reaper is not judgmental,

that I could get hit by a bus tomorrow and beat him to it.

I couldn’t imagine him going first.

 

The crying came like a ferocious animal.

I had no idea every song, every leaf on a tree,

every star, every sip of tea, every moon,

every sunrise, every slice of steak,

every going to sleep, every smile,

every laugh -  would remind me of him.

You just can’t prepare for that.

 

 

* Dedicated to Carl Perron, one of my best friends, kindred spirits, and cohorts in magic.

**All wild life photos taken by Carl. 

*** This is part of my 30 poems in 30 days. To read the rest of my poems as I post them daily go here. 

6 Sneaky Little Signs You're in Resistance.

Personally I think our brains are totally fucked up little machines sometimes. Luckily we have the ability to become the observer of our lives and spy on our own brain. Then we can blast it with the right mojo to make sure we stay on track. 

How many of you recognize these sneaky signs of resistance?

1. You're too Busy (“I have no time”)

Really? No time? Is this 100% true? I mean is it really 100% true? Consider this: J.K. Rowling, who wrote Harry Potter, was struggling to find employment and raising a kid when she wrote the first Harry Potter book. If she can find the time, anyone can find a little time each week to dedicate to their dreams and goals. Who would you be without the thought, "I have no time?"

2. You procrastinate (I’ll do it later”)

The martial art of following your heart: "See the path, drop what your doing, start walking." Which basically means don't do the laundry, don't clean the house, don't call your friends, and stop distracting yourself with 'busy work.' Take one small step towards your goal everyday. Just one tiny step. Then add those steps together and wala, in a few months, you're done. 

3. You lose interest (“This is boring, it’s not my thing.”)

If it's been on your list for more than a year, and you think about it, talk about it, and dream about it, then it IS your thing. There is nothing more exciting than being a badass and getting your thing done. Stop telling yourself you're bored. That's just your brain trying to wiggle you away from taking a risk. 

4. You’re forgetful (“Oh, I meant to, but I forgot.”)

Calenders. Iphones, Apps. Come on it's 2013. Who needs to remember anything anymore? Let computers do it for you. Learn to use a good tracking method and you will never forget a thing AND you can free up your mind for the important stuff, like getting your dream accomplished without worrying about all the details. If you have the cash you could even hire a virutual assistant for pennies on the dollar. 

5. You feel Paralyzed (“I just can’t think or get going.”)

This one sucks the most. I hate that feeling of thinking too much and getting scared about all the things that will go wrong. I mean the future doesn't even exists right now so stop putting your attention there. Try meditation, or yoga to keep your brain in prime shape to stay present. You only feel paralyzed when you are not present. Being present is the best place ever.  Do this: take action. One step. Another step. Forget about the future or the past. What can you do right now that will make you feel like your in motion?

6. You’re impatient. (“This is taking too long.”)

For god's sake everyone is impatient. I mean if our smartphones take 2 extra seconds to dial a number we throw our hands up in the air as if something is wrong. Our smartphones are mini-computers sending signals to space THAT IS FUCKING AWESOME! Stop bitching about things taking too long. I repeat: If you did one small thing everyday for 365 days you would reach your greatest dream. It's not a mountain you have to conquor, it's the mosquito you have to swat. Think small. Add small steps up. Shabam, you have a dream come true. 

Good news: Change happens instantly

What I love about life coaching is how I see people change. It might take a few months, or a year of commitment, but then WAMMO! A little self awareness and the ball starts rolling. For instance, a friend of mine had a kick-ass idea for a mini-series. He's a great writer and editor, but it took him nearly 2 years to finally sit down and start writing. Now that he's started, he can't stop. For years all I heard him say was, "I don't have time. Maybe it's not my thing." Now, two years later his dream is coming true.  Nothing has changed except his perspective and his desire to be more aware that he was in resistance.

It goes like this: It's not easy, until it's easy, and then it's really easy.  Need help? Give me a call: 971-409-6718. Or Check out my website: ZigZagthinking.com

Like my fanpage and enter to win a free month of life coaching. The first 500 fans get put into a raffle and one lucky winner gets a free month of life coaching. 

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The Bullied and The Beautiful

"I will love myself despite the ease in which I lean toward the opposite." - Shane Koyzan

Six years ago I had the pleasure of hanging out with Shane Koyzan, and he's every bit as awesome in person as he is in his first TED talk. Poetry is alive! Take twelve minutes to have your mind blown. 

 

How to Re-Brand Yourself for a New Industry

I asked my facebook friends what to write about. Among the list were silly hats, puppies, fetishes for fun and profit, and three stories of bad pick-up lines. I decided to take the more serious route and answer a question that has come up a lot for my coaching clients. My friend Serena asked me to write a blog about how to re-brand herself. She wrote:

"I'm looking for work and found an opening for an executive assistant job with a local jewelry making collective. How do I turn my photography company-owning experience into the right resume and cover letter for this gig? It's description is a total dream."

First off, branding is a term used to define a whole lot of stuff. It can be a name, logo or symbol. It can be an identity and a personal story. In many cases it's a product or a service. The number one thing a brand should do is differentiate from other brands. 

I don't think Serena needs so much re-branding as she needs to show value to this new position. Perhaps re-positioning herself is the key. 

Serena wants to get involved in a new industry, but the industry doesn't matter. What matters is Serena's story and how she will help the new company build their business. Odds are the jewelery making collective needs a business savvy person to help them continue to make profit. 

That said, since Serena has her own company as a photographer she knows what it takes to make it work. I wonder what Serena's personal story is about her photography company? Here are the questions I would want Serena to answer:

• How did Serena initially build her business? What motivated her to be a business owner? 
• What is she known for by her customers? What makes her approach to business unique?
• What's different about her customer service? 
• Are her marketing efforts successful? If so, what marketing skills does she bring to the table?
• What results has she achieved with her business? 
• What sets her apart from other photography companies?

From there Serena can re-write her resume and cover letter to show that she is qualified to be great addition to the team, and can even take pictures of all the beautiful jewelery to be used on websites and marketing materials. Boom! 

 

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