Ms. ZigZag

A Life Coach Gets Schooled: Job Search Part 1.

"To find yourself you need the greatest possible freedom to drift." - Francis Bacon

After three years of having my own business I figured I’d join the team by getting laid off and commiserate with all of my unemployed friends. After all , who wants a happy-go-lucky life coach? (i.e. Richard Simmons.) So I’ve decided to buckle my seatbelt and see what all the hype is about in the unemployment world. Join me in my upcoming blogs as I spill my guts on strategies for the job hunt and hand out my coaching tools.

Pokerface Gone Bad

After the realization that running a business was destroying my social life, love life, writing life, and workout schedule,  I began using up all of my financial resources in a great depression and took a long break from marketing my practice. When you are not marketing, you are not selling or networking, and if you are not selling you are not getting clients, nor making money. When I finally woke up last month in a fog of disillusion, I realized  I no longer had a full-time practice and I could no longer sustain myself. That, I could no longer wear the pokerface pretending my business was doing well.

Remember the character in American Beauty played by Annette Bening? There is a scene where she grits her teeth crying and says “In order to be successful you must always give the appearance of success. ” She was killing herself. My success is valued by how much joy and authenticity I’m feeling at any given moment and playing “poker face” while my heart was screaming is not a recipe for success. Being a life coach infected me with the  idea that somehow I would be judged harshly if I didn’t always seem “together” or “positive.” I’ve never felt so fake in my life, being real is much more important to me.

The “Oh-Shit” phase.

Although I'm maintaining a part-time clientele (and love my current clients,) starting over is no easy task, especially when self identity is wrapped up in something I’ve created in a self-owned business. I’m not just looking for work, I’m shifting from one identity to another. A lot of people are going through this on many levels. As a society we have not looked at what this means on a macro scale.  After decades of implanting the idea that you are what you "do" people have no idea how to survive without an outside definition. The unemployment rate is high, and fear is rampant, but the true issue at hand is that many people are having an identity crisis. I am no more a life coach than I am a poet, and no more a writer than I am a daughter. These outside definitions of who we are is counter intuitive to the situation at hand.  Most people are not looking to rule the world, they want to live a happy life. We all know money is not love, but we also know that it pays the rent. A fascinating conundrum.

Booty Calls Won’t Help the “Oh-Shit” Phase.

I saw a sign that said, “Don’t rationalize what feels wrong.” Learning to use my emotional guidance system has been a wonderful process for the "oh shit" phase.  My mind doesn't get in my way how it used to. I find that the more I learn how to use my emotions, intuitions, and feelings, the better choices I make.  Looking for a job is all about making choices:  cold calls, interviews, getting out of bed at a decent time, enjoying a sunny day, etc.  Being in the driver’s seat and making new choices can cause a lot of anxiety, so I tell people to make sure and call the cheerleaders. Get in contact with the people that truly lift you up. Don't call an ex-lover or boyfriend for a booty call. The last thing you need is a head trip.  And fuggetabout the drama queens.  You don’t need anyone tearing your ear off with bullshit and cynicism. Granted, drama- free makes for less juicy blogs, but drama-free makes  a healthy head. No one is going to hire you if you smell like Jerry Springer.

Even Jedi's Get help.

Read my lips: hire a career coach and join a job club. They are affordable. I’m in Vicki Lind’s Make a Difference Job Club.  I’m a friggin' coach and I’m telling you that getting an outside perspective is invaluable. Vicki’s job club is only $45.00 for two months. We meet twice a month. We share resources and help to define our goals.

And remember : You are not your job, and your job is not you.  Going deeper into what it means to be alive and enjoying life regardless of what is happening  is key to a fulfilling and successful life. Harder said than done, but enjoying the process is probably the number one rule to manifesting the best result possible. After all, an acme safe could drop on you at any second. Don't waste it worrying. 

Week one:

• Joined job club.
• Got clear on my vision, while simultaneously willing to embrace other options.
• Got leads using friends, word of mouth, and the following sites: Craigslist and Indeed
• Emailed about 35 old coworkers and colleagues.
• Called five employment agencies: Express Personnel, NWstaffing, Right Brain Resource, and Boly Welch
• Meditated every day for at least 15 minutes.
• Walked 45 minutes a day, light yoga daily.
• Eating right, drinking lots of water.
• Hanging out with great friends.
• Laugh and watch movies.
• Write poetry and blogs.

 

 

 

 

 

Storm's "Crazy Enough" has Hips with Grit.

Yesterday I saw Storm Large’s play, Crazy Enough.  Although it is everything you want: raw, sexy, gross, sad, and inviting, I have to admit she looked tired. I got  the feeling that although she appreciates her part in the ever-expanding-majesty that has become Storm Large, she didn't seem thrilled to be there. At least not at first. But hey, it was her  91st performance and if you only got one day off a week and had to relive the pain and suffering from your life you might be a little tired too. I’m used to her energy being vivacious, contagious, and riling, but last night something stirred underneath her poker-face. Luckily she is a good performer. Scratch that: she is an extraordinary performer with the gusto of Mick Jagger, the courage of Philip Petit and the sex appeal of Mariyn Monroe. After 20 minutes she was lubed-up and roaring.  The show went off without a hitch.

The play is an excruciatingly honest story about her relationship to her mentally ill mother, her drug addiction, growing up tall and lost, and above all -  the celebration of life and the driving spirit that keeps her alive. Granted, she could get on stage and sing twinkle twinkle little star, fart, cough and spit, and I would still tell you she is amazing (because she is.) However, what I realized 20 minutes into the show was that “Crazy Enough”  is not just a story of her life, it’s a way for her to keep her mother alive.

I remember watching her sing Wish You Were Here , as a dedication to her mother on Rock Star: Supernova. She cries as she sings. Little did I know at the time that her mother had been addicted to pills, had tried to commit suicide numerous times, and had been admitted to a mental ward. That, and when Storm was 9 she was told that “mental illness”  was hereditary and she would be insane by her twenties. Talk about a death sentence for a child. In the play Storm admits to wishing her mother would die and how much she hated her mother at times, but the irony is that the play allows Storm to relive this story over and over and over and over…92 times if you count her performance tonight. Here’s the thing: I’m jealous of Storm because she has managed to not only keep her mother alive, but do it gracefully. (My father died last fall, it broke me, so I get it.) The play has been extended to July 26th. Which means she gets to relive it a whole lot more. Better than therapy I guess, and it’s profitable. )

After a lot of hoot and hollarin’ from the audience she came alive, she found her place on stage, and gave us the gift of letting us into her world. Standing 6 feet tall she was glowing like a queen.  One of the main things I love about her is how she exudes truth, love, and dirt -  at the same time.  There is nothing that comes closer to witnessing  the divine than when you see someone being authentically true.  Storm has mastered the word “real.” 

So even when she is tired, there is an energy that pours out of her. Like a big wave she bursts, and you get pulled in. Once you are in, you are hers and at her mercy. She takes no prisoners and takes you to places high and low.  Sometimes she takes you to scary places you may not want to go, yet you are grateful that you went for the ride. 

Crazy Enough is not to be missed. You will walk out inspired, happy, sad, and crazy about Storm.

What: Storm Large in ‘Crazy Enough”
Where: Portland Center Stage”
When: Now through July 26th  Tuesday – Saturday 7:30 pm, Sunday 2:00 pm
Cost: Tickets from $25.50- $48.50 with student and under 18 discounts available

For more information or to buy tickets, check out the Portland Center Stage site here.

Ever Heard the Term, "Gone Through the Wringer?"

Question/s: Are you just a little freaked out these days about the (dare-I-say-it) economy,war,swine-flu? Are you anxious more than usual? Losing your hair? Not getting laid well? Or not getting laid at all?  Jobless?  Did I cover everything? Oh, what about your health? Your  teeth? Back problems?  What's that new mole? Allergies? Overall lethargy? Come on....it's hip to be screwed!

But please, don't give into the hype.

I did. I got hit from behind I think, although it could have come from the sidelines: Depression.

We've heard it before: "Deep crisis can produce new growth."
But it's the kind of thing we forget because when you're depressed you forget to look up.

Here's the thing:  Recently I went through the wringer.

Gory details of the last 12 months: two "failed" relationships: my father died, I turned 40, went broke, and fucked up my lower back three times.  I've experienced tremendous guilt, grief, anxiety, and depression. I've come close to checking into a hospital and asking them to please remove my brain. I've gone to the depths of drinking too much to numb the pain from losing my father AND losing my mind. I've hired shrinks, coaches, psychics, and healers of all sorts. I was gifted a trip to Kauai where I was TOTALLY happy, came back, and got really sick again. Lost my voice, and screwed up my back for the third time. I've read all the books, practiced every meditation I knew how to do, and STILL found myself walking (limping) aimlessly through Portland streets with my phone turned off and wondering, "What the Fuck?" 

Here's the paradox: I'm a life coach.The irony is that the work I do with my clients has been AMAZING. I now seem to be able to tap into things intuitively and do work with clients that is by far the best work I've ever done. I see things happening with my clients that blows my mind. But although this work was fulfilling on one level, most other parts of my life was seemingly deteriorating. I would put on a poker face and then, at the end of the day, (for the last 9 months or so) when it was too hard to face my own life, I hid in my room and watched 6 seasons of scrubs. (Yes, Scrubs.)

Eventually my friends started to wonder about me and would call to check in. I didn't answer but they would still leave loving messages and invite me out. I am so grateful that I have friends like this. Unfortunately I kept my phone off and in-between episodes (of Scrubs) would ask God what on earth I was doing.

So trust me. I know what I am talking about when I tell you that deep crisis can produce new growth.

Something finally popped. After a hormonal-marathon menstrual cycle that produced new depths of depression, and all the crying and crying and more crying. I read a book called, The Path of the Dream Healer, by Adam. It was enough to allow me to breathe again. Then I read Healing Back Pain, by John Sarno. Upon reading the book, which deals with emotional triggers for back pain,  my back pain ceased.  Huh, something was shifting. Then I read Zero Limits by Joe Vitale.  I actually DID the work. I even brushed up on my EFT, and started to understand something I had forgotten. I'm fine. My life is perfect the way it is, and actually nothing is wrong with me.

I know it's a hokie concept but I decided to just focus on really loving me AS IS. I might be crazy after all these years, but I can love that too. So I wrote "I love you" on thirty pieces of paper and put them up all over my house, and in my car, and in places where I would see them. And every time I saw one of those pieces of paper I would say out loud, "Dawn, I love you." (Sometimes I say ZigZag. My identity crisis is another issue entirely.)

Success in life is measured by the amount of joy you feel. I realized that I was able to be a raging success again if I simply changed my INSIDE world. Mind you, I "know" this. I am a life coach after all, and a seasoned coach at that. 8 years in the running with 4 years of my own business under my belt. So why the hell do I forget to apply my own principles? HA.

The joy started to trickle in. I no longer felt the need to "figure it out." I'm still not totally there, and I still have work to do, but I can tell you that it's working. I don't think I'd be where I am today if it were not for the ultimate pain I went through. I've learned to use a few basic methods of mediation and healing. Namely Ho-Oponopono and EFT. (Yes, I "tried" to go on anti-depressants as a last resort, but my awesome doctor wanted me to work through this on my own first. He doesn't pill-push and I'm grateful for his faith in me.)

If you're reading this odds are we know each other, perhaps virtually, or perhaps in another life, but either way we're on the same team: Team Life. If you're going through a lot right now just remember the answer is not outside of you. You have everything you need.

I know that true success is closer than we think. All the fear out there is nothing but illusion. Once I "tapped back in" I could feel the difference. I make sure to say I love you to the divine too many times to mention. Call it flow, call it source-energy, call it god, call it Fred, I don't care what you call it but the only thing to tap into is what is INSIDE of you..not outside of you.

Does this sound cliche? Does this obvious fact annoy you?..then you haven't REALLY tapped in yet, have you?
 
I'll end with this quote from the book, Ask and It is Given: "The basis of life is freedom, the result of life is expansion, but the purpose of your life is joy."

All my love to you.
Dawn

PS - Images found at www.explodingdog.com

Favorite Wounds.

My favorite wound is the one where I say "ouch" and you say, "no problem, I've got just the thing."

How to impress me...

1. Eye contact.
2. Talk about the things you do for fun (not for work unless they are the same thing.)
3. Leave your college or master's degree out of the conversation unless it's appropriate.
4. Talk to me sober.
5. Tell me that not only do you believe in the zero point field but that you access it regularly, can heal yourself and others, and sometimes even pull a hot fudge sundae out of thin air.
6. Tell me you can fly.
7. Laugh.
8. Be comfortable in your own skin. It makes me comfortable in mine.
9. Wink.
10. Hold doors open for people, and go the extra mile in practicing kindness.